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It’s Not Always About You

I received a very snarky comment on a team building evaluation that really upset me. This was a particularly challenging group and I worked hard to give them what they needed to learn about themselves and each other and to practice communicating and collaborating while having fun.

What Are Your Triggers?

Because the comment was harsh and not at all constructive, it threw me right into my stress behavior. I couldn’t focus on all the positive comments because all I could see was the negative one. It took me several days and multiple conversations with trusted advisors before I realized, “Maybe it wasn’t about me.” As I always tell my team building participants, “I teach this stuff and I still forget it sometimes.”

What Does the Other Person Need?

The person who made the comment obviously didn’t get what he needed in the session. If the evaluations hadn’t been anonymous, I would have asked him what was missing. Asking others what they need is a foundational practice I teach in team building. What I forgot is that focusing on the other person’s needs can be really difficult when I am not getting what I need.

The ideal scenario is to meet the other person halfway, but that requires two willing parties. Sometimes you have to go all the way to the other side to find out what they need. That might be easier if you remember that their behavior may not be about you.

Whom do you need to meet halfway?

Virtual Team Building

How can you leverage virtual team building to bridge the distance between people in multiple locations?

Ground Rules

In the same way that we set ground rules for an in-person team building session, the team needs to decide how they will interact on calls. Here are some things to consider in making this an effective tool for creating personal connections:

Include an icebreaker activity to help people get to know each other. Check out 50 Digital Team Building Games

  • Determine how to ensure everyone’s participation
  • Constructively voice differences of opinion during the call rather than afterward
  • Define the boundaries for confidentiality
  • Establish accountability and timelines for action items

After the Call

In between calls, pairing team members on special projects or initiatives can create camaraderie. Rotating the responsibility for leading the call is a great way to develop new skills and generate different ideas and approaches. Find more ideas at HBR Making Virtual Teams Work.

Improve Your ROI

Try this exercise:  close your eyes and count to 20 slowly.  Sounds easy, right?  Do it again and start over every time you are distracted by another thought.  That is much more challenging for most of us.

The Power of Adrenalin

How long can you go without checking your phone?  Studies have shown that we get addicted to the jolt of adrenalin when we hear the text or email message notification.  When I lead team building sessions or facilitate a meeting, the participants agree on whether to turn off or silence their phones.  Some of them get the shakes – like they would if they had to give up coffee for a day.  I find it hard not to check mine every time I stop at a red light, even if I’m enjoying the song on the radio.

 40 Percent ROI

We have trained ourselves to expect distractions.  We think we can’t function without them but what do they cost us?  Research indicates that productivity can be reduced by as much as 40 percent when people switch tasks.

 Stop whatever else you are doing and think about that – you could be 40 percent more effective if you focused on one thing for a defined period of time.  Where else can you get that kind of ROI?

Achieving Your New ROI Goal

We know all this and yet we still do it.  Why?  We have to create a new ROI:  Return on Intention©. What better time to do that than the beginning of a new year?  Here are some suggestions:

  1. Identify one thing you will do differently.  Be as specific as possible and avoid saying what you will not do. Write it down where you will see it often.  It could be, “I will sit through five stop lights without checking my phone.”
  2. Write down when you will start and how often you will do it.  “I will start tomorrow and continue for the next week.”
  3. Describe the benefit you will get from doing this.  “I will be able to enjoy what I’m hearing on the radio.”
  4. Find an accountability partner.  “I will ask my coach to check in with me every Monday by 9:00 AM if I haven’t emailed her about my progress by Sunday at 5:00 PM.”
  5. Recognize potential derailers.  Notice what gets you off track and find a solution.  “I’m likely to forget when I’m in a hurry so I will leave five minutes earlier for my meetings.”
  6. Reward yourself.  “I will add a new song to my favorite playlist when I achieve my goal for the week.”

 I invite you to test this approach to improving your ROI and see how it affects your productivity.

Recipe for Success: ASK for What You Need

what you need

In a recent team building session, the participants said they really enjoyed learning more about their colleagues and appreciated understanding themselves better.  They also valued the opportunity to practice what I call the recipe for success – asking for what you need.

Accept Responsibility for Getting What You Need

Whether coaching an executive or working with a team, my message is the same:  learn what you need and ask for it.  It can be really hard for high achievers to admit that they need something from someone else, but no one succeeds in a vacuum and we can’t expect others to read our minds.

Specifics Help You Tell Others What You Need

Most people are willing to help their colleagues, and being specific makes that easier.  If you need more time to reflect on a complex issue and you are being pressured to make a decision quickly, you could explain, “I can give you an answer now or I can give you a better answer at noon tomorrow.”

Know What Contributes to Your Success

You may be a very team-oriented person who also needs to have your individual efforts recognized.  Your colleagues are probably not aware of this need because your usual behavior doesn’t give them a clue.  This makes it especially important for you to let your boss and key colleagues know that you are a lot more productive when you are able to measure and receive feedback on your performance.

Now that you have the recipe for success – whip up something good!

Building on What is Working

As companies are reorganizing and stretching the capabilities of their people, team building is in high demand.  I recently had the opportunity to work with a group of people in the midst of drastic change.  Their team leader and many of his direct reports had been let go abruptly, the new leader had been in her role for less than a week, and the company was undergoing massive restructuring.  They were trying to change the tires on the car while speeding down the highway at 90 miles an hour.

In my preliminary interviews with each of the team members, they shared their objectives for the team building session, potential challenges, and what they were willing to do to make it successful.  Not surprisingly, the list of challenges was long, but one of their key objectives was to get past the obstacles and focus on moving forward.

After acknowledging all the challenges, the team made a list of what they are already doing well and created statements describing the ideal future state such as, “people want to work on our team.”  They prioritized each statement according to the degree of difficulty and value.  The highest value, least difficult things to achieve were assigned top priority.

From there, the team moved into action steps, accountability and metrics for each aspect of their ideal future state.  They left the meeting feeling energized by what is already working and creating a plan to build on that.

This approach to change management, called Appreciative Inquiry, is a powerful alternative to the traditional method of focusing on problems and trying to find solutions.  For a high level overview, see The Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry, by Sue Annis Hammond.

If your team is ready to try something new, contact me at cheryl@csbryan.com