When 850 people attended my webinar on Fierce Conversations for the Society of Women Engineers it confirmed that this is a hot topic. You may be familiar with the book by Susan Scott, who defines a Fierce Conversation as one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real. That means we have to be authentic and say what we mean. We have to resist the temptation to answer, “Everything is fine” when it really isn’t. We have to say what is true – in a way that others can hear it.
You Make the Change Happen
Often we avoid engaging someone in a conversation because we worry that they might feel hurt or get defensive. They might refuse to talk or get emotional. But Fierce Conversations can’t be dependent on how others respond. If you know something must change, then you’re the one who must change it.
How to Start
The Fierce Conversations model includes an opening statement in which you:
- Name the issue
- Provide a specific example of the behavior or situation you want to change
- Describe your emotions about this issue
- Clarify what is at stake
- Identify your contribution to this problem
- Indicate your wish to resolve this issue
- Invite the other person to respond
Next Steps
- Listen and ensure that the other person feels understood
- Reach resolution and determine how to move forward
- Make an agreement and commit to holding each other accountable
As Susan Scott says, “Our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. The quality of our lives is largely determined by the quality of the questions we ask – and the quality of our answers.”
What Fierce Conversation do you need to have?