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How Finding Your Purpose Can Reduce Stress

Blog where are you going compass

Can you envision your world after the pandemic?  It’s almost impossible to do because there are so many unknowns, including how to define when it’s “over”.  It’s hard to know where we go from here.  Listening to Brené Brown’s podcast on Grief and Finding Meaning helped me process my feelings about the losses I’ve experienced and reminded me to refocus on my purpose: I make the world a better place by helping people be the best version of themselves.

FINDING MEANING THROUGH PURPOSE

In Man’s Search for Meaning Viktor Frankl explained that having a clear purpose helps us avoid feeling that we have suffered in vain.  I went back to this exercise from my training at Six Seconds, the first and largest organization 100% dedicated to the development of emotional intelligence (EQ):

Step One: Create a Mission Statement

Follow the example answers in red through each step.

First write at least three words to answer each of the following questions:

1. In the world I want to see less  (emptiness    judgement    anger)

2. Instead I want more  (caring    compassion    patience)

3. To make this happen people need to  (be healthy    consider others’ perspectives     understand themselves better)

Go back and circle the one answer to each question that jumps out at you.

Next answer this question:

4. What quality do I want to strengthen in myself so I can help make this happen?   (EQ    empathy   self-awareness)

Finally, create a Mission Statement by putting your answers to those four questions together like this: 

I will #4 to help people #3 so the world is more #2 and less #1.

Example Mission Statement:  I will tap into my EQ to help people be healthy so the world is more caring and there is less emptiness. 

Step Two: Define Your Purpose

Consider why that mission is important to you.  What do you want people to say at your funeral?

Example Purpose:  I make the world a better place by helping people be the best version of themselves.

MOVING FORWARD

To move forward we need to make sense of our experience.  Asking these questions can help:

  • What have I learned that makes me feel grateful?
  • How will I apply what I have learned to fulfill my purpose?

With a clear purpose you can now take action, regain some sense of control and reduce stress.  What is one way you will fulfill your purpose in the next week?

Urgent or Important?

Urgent or Important?

Coaching clients often say, “I feel like I’m just putting out one fire after another and I never have time to step back and think about the big picture.” A Google search for prioritization generates 51 million results so it’s obviously a common struggle.

Sort Urgent and Important

In the number one most influential business book of the twentieth century, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey described a matrix for sorting urgent and important activities. These quadrants are still relevant today:

1. Do – Important & Urgent: This is fire-fighting mode – dealing with a crisis, meeting a deadline, handling an irate client. Spending too much time here leaves us feeling stressed and burned out but we can get addicted to a temporary sense of accomplishment when we cross things off our list. Covey refers to this as “urgency addiction.” When we recognize what feeds the addiction, we can make a choice to focus on Quadrant 2 instead.

2. Plan – Important & Non-Urgent: Covey calls this the magic quadrant because spending more time planning, preventing problems and building relationships helps us feel calm and reduces the time we spend in Quadrant 1. One strategy I recommend is asking yourself, “Does it have to be me and does it have to be now?”

3. Delegate – Urgent & Not Important: When we allow ourselves to be constantly interrupted by texts, hallway conversations and responding to other people’s priorities, we can feel stuck and frustrated. Saying no can help us minimize the time we spend in this quadrant and give us more time for Quadrant 2.

4. Eliminate – Not Urgent & Not Important: These are the distractions that provide an escape when our brains are overloaded. It’s OK to take an occasional break to check social media or do a little online shopping as long as we don’t overdo it. Setting a timer is a good solution for this.

Prioritize

Answering these questions can help you determine whether you’re operating from a paradigm of urgency or importance:

  • What one thing could you do on a regular basis that would have significant positive results in your personal life?
  • What one thing in your professional life would bring similar results?

Most likely your answers will be in Quadrant 2 – Important & Non-Urgent. If you know these things would make a significant difference, how will you start prioritizing them now?

Are You Leading Like an Alligator?

It’s not every day I meet an alligator in a building lobby – that gets your attention!  I recently had an opportunity to facilitate a team building session at a client site in alligator country.   This alligator was stuffed and buffed so you could see every bony plate.  My Google search told me these plates are what make the alligator’s skin very hard to penetrate.

Cynicism is Armored Leadership

We humans have a similar armor. In Dare to Lead Brene’ Brown lists 16 examples of armored leadership and 16 daring leadership responses.  One of those armored leadership examples is hiding behind cynicism.  We see this in people who aren’t brave enough to say what they really mean or those who need to put someone else down so they can feel better about themselves.

Clear is Kind

Effective leaders don’t tolerate this behavior on their teams and they model the appropriate response — being clear and kind.  The challenge for the cynic is identifying and dealing with their underlying anger or fear of inadequacy so they can say what they mean and mean what they say.

How Does EQ Impact the Bottom Line?

The CEO was fed up – if she got one more complaint about the VP Operations she was going to have to fire him.  It was obvious when he was in a bad mood because he yelled at people and slammed doors.  Then they were upset and distracted which affected their productivity and how they dealt with customers.  The ripple effect of his bad moods was negatively impacting the bottom line.

Look Beneath the Surface

Human behavior is like an iceberg.  We see how people behave but we don’t always understand what drives behavior.  Using Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, is like putting on your scuba gear to check out what is hidden beneath the surface.  Once you know which emotions are influencing your behavior, you can use those emotions more effectively.

The Leader’s EQ Matters

In his book Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman cites research indicating that leaders whose styles had a positive emotional impact on their teams generated measurably better financial results.  Teams with higher engagement have lower turnover, above average productivity, higher customer loyalty and higher profitability.

If you want to positively impact your bottom line, contact cheryl@csbryan.com today for an assessment and suggestions for improving EQ for yourself or someone on your team.

Swimming Upstream

What if we train them and they leave?  What if we don’t and they stay?

This nugget of wisdom was passed down to a seasoned leader from one of his mentors as a lesson in the importance of investing in people development.

Long View vs. Quick Results

As a leadership development professional it’s always encouraging to hear a commitment to the long view.  How do you maintain that view when the pressure is on to achieve quick results in the short term?  You have to be willing to swim upstream and persuade other leaders to do the same.

Consider These Techniques

  • Highlight the ROI of development efforts – retention, promotion and increased productivity
  • Have leaders nominate high potential participants for development programs and identify measureable goals for each person, then tie those goals to ROI
  • Conduct exit interviews to understand perceptions of the company’s investment in people and how that affects recruitment and retention
  • Ensure that your development programs don’t assume a “one and done” approach — build on a foundation over time

If you train them and they leave you would ask them what they’re gaining.  If you don’t and they stay – ask yourself what you’re gaining.

Don’t Burn Your Fingers!

In a session on creating a “Secret Sauce for Successful Leaders” my client team identified these ingredients:  vision, communication, confidence, positive role modeling, reliability, trustworthiness and transparency with generous dashes of encouragement, motivation, appreciation, fun, coaching, caring and steadiness.

Potential Distractions

In our next exercise, “How to Avoid Burning Your Fingers”, the group identified the following potential distractions to implementing that Secret Sauce recipe:

  • External market factors
  • Loss of business
  • Morale / Negativity
  • Resistance
  • Communication
  • Safety or other incidents
  • Talent
  • Resource management
  • Personal distractions

Celebrate Successes

Could you choose the perfect dessert for each member of your team without asking them what they want?  Our last item on the menu for this session, “Why We Shouldn’t Skip Dessert,” explored the importance of celebrating successes in ways that motivate each individual.  Here are some of the techniques that were mentioned:

  • Listening
  • Trust
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Support
  • Involvement in decision-making
  • Meaningful work
  • Autonomy
  • Training & development
  • Career advancement
  • Money

I invite you to create your own secret sauce for leadership recipe, develop a plan to put the lid on potentially painful distractions, and serve each of your team members a dessert that will motivate them to succeed in any kind of market environment.