To kick off a recent workshop at Rice University’s business school on building trust, I invited Melinda English, Rice’s Director of Organizational Development and Talent Strategy to share her story.  This is what she said:

I have seen the impact of increasing trust work its magic over the years. You cannot put a price on trust and psychological safety when it comes to team cohesion and effectiveness.   Recently one of my new team members led us through an exercise called What’s Working/What’s Not Working and the number one thing revealed as what IS working is the level of trust on our team. This was so wonderful to hear because I know it is foundational to team resilience and working together to achieve some very big goals.  Since half of my team is new, I have been very intentional about taking the time to do team building and development despite the temptation to skip over it because there is so much to get done.

Specific Strategies

Here are some specific ways we are building trust on our team:

  • For my one-on-ones it is not just about what is going on at work. I feel it is really important to know how they are as a person and I want them to know I care about them as a person first.
  • Every team member completed an All About Me form. Each time we meet I take a category and everyone gets to guess who goes with each one.
  • We all took a values survey and then shared our top five. From there we identified our Team Commitments.
  • One of our new team members is leading us through a Teams That Work discussion, which allows us to learn what is impactful to each team member. You have to show trust in them to lead and lead differently in order be trustworthy.
  • We recently completely individual “User Manuals” and will be sharing the highlights of those.
  • We rotate meeting facilitation and start each meeting with a quote – some funny and some inspirational.
  • For projects I try to select those members where I can leverage their strengths or ask the team who might be interested and they are wonderful about taking turns.
  • Last but not least, we actually have A LOT of fun. I never sacrifice this and it has always been well-received.

As you can see I believe it is not just any one thing and that it has to be consistent and intentional because it develops over time.

Results

It’s indicative of Melinda’s trust with her team that she invited them to email me their confidential input about their team and her leadership.  Some of the common themes were:

  • Respect
  • Honesty
  • Authenticity
  • Caring and support
  • Psychological safety
  • Valuing each other’s experiences, thoughts and opinions
  • Celebrating successes and learning from mistakes
  • Follow-through
  • Responsiveness
  • Communication
  • Focus on development
  • Leading by example

As a result of Melinda’s leadership, her team has been able to persevere during an incredibly challenging time with motives and spirit intact.

These are the 7 Elements of Trust we discussed in our workshop.  I invite you to consider which one is most challenging for you.  How could improving in that area impact trust on your team?

“I’m having a hard time focusing and that’s not like me,” my client said.  After successfully navigating a protracted challenging business environment, he couldn’t understand why his productivity had declined.  As we explored the underlying factors, it became apparent that he was stuck in a cognitive tunnel.

 

Immediate Focus

In Smarter Faster Better, Charles Duhigg explains that “cognitive tunneling can cause people to become overly focused on whatever is directly in front of their eyes or become preoccupied with immediate tasks…Once in a cognitive tunnel, we lose our ability to direct our focus. Instead, we latch on to the easiest and most obvious stimulus, often at the cost of common sense.”  This is why my client was distracted by cleaning out his inbox and responding to yet another text message.

Guess Again

Between back-to-back meetings and juggling multiple priorities, it’s easy to fall into reactive mode. To break out of that cognitive tunnel, Duhigg suggests the following approach:

  1. Second guess the story you’re telling yourself – consider what you could have done differently
  2. Encourage others to second guess you – ask someone to help you think about other options
  3. Leverage the feeling of control – empower yourself to make better decisions

When my client imagined the clarity and improved productivity he could have at the end of his cognitive tunnel, he was able to take the first step in that direction.  What do you see at the end of your tunnel?

 

 

Pema Chödrön is an American Buddhist nun and a teacher at the first Tibetan monastery in North America established for Westerners.  In her audio book Don’t Bite the Hook, Chödrön teaches that biting the hook of habitual anger is self-destructive.  She explains that the more we strengthen the habit of anger, the less often we find things that please us.  Chödrön recommends that we practice not getting hooked by small irritants — like slow drivers — to build our muscles for the big ones.

Awareness

As I growled my complaint about the slow driver in the fast lane, Chödrön’s voice and wry sense of humor helped ease me into awareness of the negative energy I was creating.  She encouraged me to get curious about what triggered my anger.  Was I afraid someone would think less of me if I was late?  That’s my innate shame trigger – not wanting to be shunned goes back to my ancestors who couldn’t survive on their own.

Acceptance

Once I became aware of my trigger, I could accept the need to change my response to it.  Instead of getting hooked and making up stories that would fuel my anger (that person is such a terrible driver they shouldn’t even be on the road!), I needed to reframe my attitude toward the discomfort of going too slow.  Practicing patience could help me strengthen my tolerance for the next time I encounter an annoying situation.

Action

Chödrön acknowledges that resisting the urge to act on our anger causes us pain, but pain can wake us up and make us more compassionate.  That worked for me — I was able to move from acceptance into action by using compassion and curiosity.  I wondered what might be happening with the person in the slower car.  Might they be lost or having car trouble?

Mastering this approach to avoid getting hooked by anger will take some of us longer than others.  Chödrön’s advice is to get comfortable with the idea that things and people are changing all the time.  Each new encounter gives us a fresh opportunity to practice awareness, acceptance and action.

Watching my two year old granddaughter dancing and singing these lyrics from the Disney movie “Frozen” was a moving experience:

“Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go…”

I hope my granddaughter will continue to embrace the concepts long after she knows all the words and what they mean — letting go of worrying about what others think of you.  Of course, that’s easier when things are going well and we feel like we’re making good decisions.  It’s much harder not to worry about what others think when we make a very public mistake.

I Am Enough

Self-acceptance requires acknowledging our imperfections, which can be pretty uncomfortable.  My introduction to Brené Brown’s work was her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  It was a gift to me to be reminded that I am enough even though I’m imperfect – and so is everyone else.  All my clients struggle with feeling inadequate at times.

I Need Grace

Self-compassion is vital to self-acceptance.  Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale is great tool for assessing how we can improve this skill.  It reminded me that I need to keep working on giving myself grace.  One of Dr. Neff’s Self-Compassion Exercises invites us to treat ourselves the way we would a close friend who is struggling – with empathy and compassion.

We are so much more effective when we let go of the need for approval from others and practice self-acceptance.  I am motivated to get better at this so I can set a good example for my granddaughter.  What will motivate you?

At the end of our engagement my client said, “When I was told I was going to get a professional coach, I had a very negative attitude and was highly resistant to the idea. After all, I had gotten this far on my own and I was very busy. Coaching helped me understand how much I really had to learn about navigating very difficult political waters as part of a challenging role change.”

You’re not broken

It’s not unusual for clients to resist coaching to “fix a problem”  because in many organizations coaching has been used as a remedial tool.  The good news is the trend has shifted toward coaching as an investment in high-potentials and top performers.

Focus on the positives

One of the first steps in coaching is a 360 degree feedback process.  Although I always encourage my clients to first highlight the positives in the feedback summary, very few people do so.  Since paying attention to negative information enabled our ancestors to survive, it makes sense that we want that input first.  My client applied his increased self-awareness from the 360 feedback, leveraged his strength in building relationships to improve his influencing skills and got the promotion he wanted.

Step by step

Here’s how you can get the results you want:

  1. Get honest, objective feedback through a formal 360 feedback process or informal discussions with your colleagues
  2. First identify the common themes for strengths and then for growth areas
  3. Create an action plan for one area in which you could be more effective and at least one strength you can leverage
  4. Share your plan with your feedback partners
  5. Implement your plan
  6. Ask for ongoing, real time feedback and track the common themes
  7. Repeat what works and change what doesn’t
  8. Give yourself at least six months to see consistent improvement and 12 months for sustainable change
  9. Reevaluate your plan at regular intervals and modify as needed
  10. Celebrate your successes!

Contact cheryl@csbryan.com for an action plan template or how I can support you in getting the results you want.

The organizers of a recent conference I attended sent out some great questions to jump start conversations in the networking session.  One of them was, “When was the last time you amazed yourself?”  I had to think about that for a few minutes before deciding that packing the car for a 12 day road trip qualifies.

I Don’t Want to Brag

Although fear of appearing arrogant or egotistical can cause us to focus on our failures more than we celebrate our successes, we wouldn’t have one without the other.  Albert Einstein said, “Failure is success in progress.”

Shift Your Focus

How can you shift your focus to align with Einstein?  Try this formula: “ I achieved this success by learning from these failures…”  When you acknowledge your amazing self, you might find:

  • Inspiration
  • Motivation
  • Courage

…and more opportunities to amaze yourself!